Falling in Love With Yourself After Loss: A Midlife Reflection on Travel and Becoming

Love in midlife begins with learning to enjoy your own company again.

Valentine’s Day has a funny way of amplifying whatever season of life you’re in.

When you’re in love, it can feel warm and celebratory. When you’re not, it can feel like the world has turned the volume up on something you’re missing. And when you’ve loved deeply and lost, it can stir up memories you weren’t expecting to revisit.

After my husband died, I didn’t rush into finding someone else.

I couldn’t have, even if I’d wanted to.

My world had collapsed in on itself, and the person I had been inside that marriage no longer existed in the same way. I was suddenly alone in my mid-forties, standing in the unfamiliar space between who I had been and who I might become next.

There’s a quiet grief in that in-between. Not just for the person you’ve lost, but for the version of yourself that belonged to that life.

I did dip my toe into dating apps. Not seriously, if I’m honest. It was less about searching for “the one” and more about gently widening my world again. A way to have conversations, to feel connected, to remember how to be social when home suddenly felt very quiet.

But the real relationship I was learning to tend was the one with myself.

I took time. More time than I think we’re often encouraged to take.

Ten years, in fact.

Ten years of learning how to be on my own again. Ten years of discovering what I enjoyed, how I wanted to move through the world, what felt nourishing and what no longer fit. Ten years of adventures that slowly stitched me back to myself.

Travel became part of that process — not as escape, but as space.

With each trip, I felt myself stepping a little further into who I was becoming. I learned to enjoy my own company in cafés, on long walks, in unfamiliar places where there was nothing to do but be present with myself. I noticed what lit me up. I noticed what drained me. I noticed how strong I actually was.

There is something quite radical about choosing to spend time alone with yourself in a world that constantly suggests you should be seeking your “other half.”

Those years weren’t empty. They were full.

Full of learning how to be at home in my own skin again. Full of remembering that my life didn’t pause just because something devastating had happened within it. Full of moments where I realised I didn’t need to rush to fill the space I found myself in.

When I eventually did feel ready to open my heart to someone new, it came from a very different place.

Not from loneliness. Not from needing to be completed. But from a sense of being grounded in myself.

The time I spent alone had given me something precious: a steadiness. A knowing of who I was and what I valued. A deeper enjoyment of my own company. I wasn’t arriving at a new relationship hoping it would fix or rescue me. I was arriving as myself — changed, yes, but not diminished.

We don’t talk enough about this part of midlife.

About how powerful it can be to take time to meet yourself again. About how falling in love with yourself isn’t indulgent — it’s foundational. About how choosing not to rush into the next chapter can be an act of deep self-trust.

If Valentine’s Day brings up complicated feelings for you this year — longing, sadness, tenderness, or even relief — I want to say this gently:

There is more than one kind of love worth honouring.

Romantic love is beautiful. But the love you build with yourself — the one that grows through quiet mornings, brave choices, long walks, and small acts of care — is the love that holds you steady through every other season of your life.

For me, falling in love with myself was the first step. Everything else came later, in its own time.

So, where in your life are you being invited to spend a little more time with yourself right now? I’d love to hear your thoughts — just hit reply if this stirred something for you.

Thank you for being here — whether you read every word or just dip in now and then.

Until next time,
Safe travels,

Sue x

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P.S. Helpful travel resources I genuinely use can always be found below:

🏠 For accommodation, I use Expedia and Booking.com primarily. They have their own loyalty schemes which is easy to progress through the levels for better discounts and inclusions.

🚍 For tours and activities, my preferred supplier is Get Your Guide.

🗺️ For multi day or week tours, check out G Adventures. I used them for trips in Costa Rica, Peru, and Galapagos.

🧳 For luggage storage on your travels, I recommend the service by Bounce.